-You’re writin’ stories, son?
-Aye tryin’, mate, just workin’ away like.
-Ye can write a good story now, ye can write a good story… Tell me this, would ye write us one for the paper?
-Uh, what paper’s that?
-The Southside Advertiser. Tis a good article now, I’m tellin’ ye, a good article.
-Right, would that involve payment of any kind?
-There would be no money involved, but it’s the exposure, y’see.
-Right. Aye, I’ll think about it sure.
-Do think about it, son, make sure an do. And here.
-What?
-Do ye mind me givin’ ye a piece of advice? About your stories?
-Uh, aye, sure, go on ahead.
-Ye want to clean them up a bit, son. People’s talkin’. Ye’ve to take the dirt out of them. ‘She’s shaggin’ this’ and ‘he’s ridin’ thon.’ It’s bad craic.
-Aye, well they’re not exactly for everybody.
-No they’re not, son. No they’re not for everybody. Ye want to clean house a wee bit, in that regard. And another thing. Have ye time now?
-Naw I’m just headin’ off here now, ma bus is only up round the corner here, five minutes fuck
-Hang on now your bus isn’t goin’ nowhere anytime too soon. Listen you to me here now. The violence. The ultraviolence that you’re writin’ into them things is to be taken out. It’s too close to the bone, too close to the real thing, son.
-Look mate I really don’t have time for this shite
-Hear me out, son. Nobody’s goin’ to buy them books for to read to their children. Ye’ll not make a penny off sellin’ books like thon. What you need, and I’m gonna make you an offer here, what you need: is an editor.
-Right. Are you offerin’ your services?
-Put it there, boy and we’ve a deal.
-Have you any actual experience as an editor?
-Experience? You’re lookin’ at a fully qualified professor from the university of life.
-Look mate, ye know what it is. Ye can take your advice, your fuckin southside advertiser, your hat and fuckin gown, and your questionable editin’ skills and get ta fuck! *does a runner*
-Come back! Come back! I’m a big fan of your work!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



‘Oh Jin Jenny was a big round penny was a big round penny indeed
I said old Jin Jenny was a big round penny she was born from a lightning seed’

-That’s not a bad song ye made up there, boss. Not a bad wee song.
-Aye cheers, been rattlin’ them out all day here.
-All off the toppa yer head an all aye, like reminiscin’?
-Aye improvisin’, yeah mate, workin away, off the cuff.
-That’s what a mean though, mate, you’re doin a wee bitta reminiscin.’ Thinkin’ of your memories an’ all then a song comes to mind. Aye did a bit of it myself back in the day.
-Aw right. Aye I suppose, that is what I was doin’ right enough.
-Right. Well here’s a wee trick for ye next time you’re lookin’ for a song, right?
-Right. Aye, go on ahead.
-Right, go ‘Hey diddle diddle got a jinny an a biddle an’ a weedle an’ a doodle an’ a dee.’
-Uh…
-Go on ahead, mate, it’s easy, don’t be afraid.
-Ok wait’ll I see here. ‘Ho Jenni Jones was a forty tonne a bones she got water on her tongue never seen her lookin’ young.’
-Nah mate. Nah. Ye’ve not got it. Ye may take up dancin’.

*totters on down the street singing*

‘oi jiddle bar with a weenie an’ a tar an a homeless man on buds an’ I’m runnin’ through the spuds…’