How ye feelin, not that good? Aye, know to look at ye. Here knock this back and chill the bit out there one fuckin minute. Parades are on. Aye, the parades. Some craic, wha? Aye, out marchin like fuck, burnin oul crates an pallets, fuckin up the queen and all that. Yeh. Tell ye wha, you and me go down the parades. Mon we’ll go uppa parades. Locka wee tunes an all have a wee smoke fuckin say nahin wha? I’ve a locka tins here mon da fuck.

Yeh so here we goes down uppa parades fuckin wearin no flegs or nahin, and all the boys is givin us the big thumbs up and we’re just smiling back pure lovin it. Women all over the place an them rote, tryin ta fleg doon double-decker buses an all. Mad cunts. Few a them not too bad too, lehal. Anyway look the craic was deadly, some a the songs are a bit hardcore for my likin cause they batter the fuck outta them drums like the mad cunts think they’re off to war or somethin, an them only dressed up in wee pretend army suits no guns nor fuck all, but they take it proper serious like, that’s their heritage man say what ye want.

-Wait wait wait a second mate. Where are you even from?
-The country! But a live in the city. Ye know what a mean, mate?

Bai. That’s what they’re into like, what are ye gonna do. Ye may say, well fuck there’s no need for all that craic it’s shite like fuck the whole lot of them, but approaching the problem from a purely practical perspective, how exactly do you propose to go about disassembling 400 odd years of ballacksin about? Ye want to take the sting out of it like, well aye fair enough, but ye may get on to your good friend the eugenicist Bill Gates, and I don’t mean any harm when I say that, cause there’s ones better bred than me, and sometimes out of the dirt comes wee pearls, fuckin George Best and thon snooker player whats his name. Aye Higgins. So aye, all a these cunts like, there’s too much about it, it’s an insurmountable task in my estimation, and am only talkin here like.

So it’s a festival isn’t it, they’re out enjoying the festivities. It just so happens that this particular festival is a wee bit vicious, worse some places than others am sure. What the fuck are they even celebratin anyway? And all this military shite, no call for it like, but that’s what they’re into, let them get on with it. Maybe the sands of time will decoarsin the whole affair, or maybe bury the whole fuckin lotta them. Maybe some shiny new bai will come arriving and politic the whole thing to high heaven, some mad new-age prophet, born of fenian mother and Big Prod Da. Suppose we’ll hafta see. But aye, I’ve been to better festivals like, Reading and Leeds, nahin like bein in two places at once, fuckin Glasgowbury. Yeh, them’s the only two. Aye, and the Twelfth. Good show. Doesn’t get many tourists like, has to be said, they could probably be doin with a bitta help that side of things. But aye, let them get on with it, some fuckin craic.